The Talk
by V. L. Crawford
Summary: This is The Talk Sirius Black gives his brother Regulus Black in my Trouble Comes in Small packages Universe. It fits in during Chapter 10 of An Uncle to the Rescue. There is cursing and talk of body parts. I rate it T to be on the safe side. It is a small one-shot but I hope you enjoy it anyway.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or anything to do with his world. That honor belongs to JK Rowlings.**

**This is a one-shot to go with my Trouble Comes in Small Packages universe. It will talk about body parts and have cursing so rated T to be on the safe side. I am still working on Chapter 10.**

Regulus sat back down on the armchair he had just vacated. He didn't think he could get more embarrassed. Why did Sirius think he had to give him the talk? Hell he was twenty-five years old for Salazar's sake. Okay he had claimed getting Narcissa pregnant was an accident, but it really was.

"Sirius I really don't think this is necessary." Regulus pouted.

"Well Little Brother I do." Sirius said sternly. "I have already told you that I have no intention of any future nephews or nieces being called a mistake."

Regulus gulped at the look on Sirius's face. He did not what to endure this, but he knew the older man was not going to take no for an answer. With that thought in mind he sat back intending to get this over with as fast as possible. But that couldn't stop the red hue from continuing to grace his face. Hell truthfully he figured if he was unclothed his whole body being red would be noticeable. This was not going well for him.

"First things first Reg we need to talk about the differences between boys and girls." Sirius told him with a smirk.

"Sirius I know the differences between the sexes." He whined pitifully sounding like a little child instead of a grown man.

"Well then you can tell me what they are so I know for sure that you do."

"No I'm not telling you. You already know." Reg grumbled his face even redder now.

"I know that I know what I need to know is that you know." Sirius snorted.

Regulus looked at him in shock. "Can you possibly use the word know more times in a sentence?"

"Stop trying to change the subject Regulus Arcturus." Sirius had that stern look back on his face. "And just for your information I probably could if I wanted to. But now you need to answer my question, or I will tell you the difference."

"I'm not answering that." He groused stubbornly.

"Fine," Sirius was now looking very determined. "Women are called the fairer sex, but don't let that fool you they can be very strong and even mean. Women have vaginas and large breasts while men have penises."

"Sirius, please stop." Regulus begged. "I know all of that."

"That is great then I won't have to go into more of the differences." Sirius smiled proudly at his brother making the younger man feel like he was thought to have accomplished something great despite the idiocy of what was going on. He must either be having a horrible nightmare or in Hell, both were truly believable options.

"The next part we have to cover is if you like males or females." Sirius moved on. "Or you could like both. I want you to know whatever your sexual preference there is no wrong way to be, so Reg which is your sexual preference?"

"Sirius, please stop this I'm begging you." The scarlet faced man whined.

"Regulus I need to know what your preference is unless you would like me to explain the ways to make both sexes feel good."

"No Salazar no! Please I'm begging you stop this nonsense now." Regulus cried out desperately. "I have only ever been with women." He shouted hoping to forestall hearing about gay relations. He wouldn't put it past Sirius to tell him about actual times his brother and brother-in-law had been together. His eyes got big at the thought of having to endure that mortification. He knew Sirius would go into graphic detail about those instances. His big brother had no shame.

"Okay females it is then." Sirius was rubbing his hands together as he thought on how to proceed. "This will be harder for me to explain, because I have never been with a female besides for a snog. Now women have very sensitive breast. You will want to pay particular attention to them."

"Sirius I have been with four women. I know what they like. Please stop this nonsense." Reg hadn't thought his face could get any redder, but he knew he had to be the color of a fire truck by now.

"Okay that is good so we will talk about contraceptives." Sirius switched the topic a little as if this was no problem at all.

"Sirius I know how to do the contraceptive charm." The younger man muttered fiercely.

"Really? Then how did you get Narcissa pregnant and call it an accident?"

Sirius's eyebrows were in his hairline.

"Damn it Sirius fine I'm sorry I called it an accident." Regulus shouted angrily.

"So now you say you did it intentionally?" Sirius asked in shock.

"No of course I didn't." Regulus was almost in tears he could not believe this.

"Well then we need to talk about this then." Sirius said with another smirk. "You need to use the contraceptive charm when you are minutes from putting your penis in your partners vagina. You need…"

Regulus Black jumped up from his chair. He had never been so mortified in his life. He doubted if he would ever lose the bright red hue his skin was now sporting. He had to escape from this room was the desperate thought running through his mind.

"I'm not listening to any more of this." He snapped angrily heading for the door. But he came to a halt when he heard laughter from behind him. He turned to see Sirius holding his sides and giving deep belly laughs. He was laughing so hard tears were rolling down his cheeks unchecked.

**I know it's not much, but I hope you enjoyed it anyway. This talk takes place in Chapter ten of An Uncle to the Rescue. The actual talk is not in the chapter. It is part of my Trouble Comes in Small Packages Universe.**


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